Be Prepared

Hurricane Attendance Freakout will hit the Tampa Bay area today so you need to do all you can to be prepared! It will be a nasty storm – a Category 5 on the UselessStory Scale first developed by Ron Burgundy in San Diego. To survive the storm, here is what you need to do:

  1. Continue to read Rays blogs for the latest information. This storm can change direction at any time and turn into a discussion about how cheap Stu Sternberg and his partner are.
  2. Prepare your property for high winds. Colin Cowherd, Mike and Mike, Steven A. Smith, Steve Duemig, and Peter Gammons are likely going to blow a lot of hot wind on the matter today so hunker down.
  3. Fill your car’s gas tank: Just in case you decide to fight the traffic and geography and drive over to the Rays game tonight.
  4. Stock up on prescription medication:  The important stuff, anti-acid for when the offense is being shut out by a rookie lefty with a mid 4’s ERA and Prozac to relax when you see yet another Rays batter strike out with men on base.
  5. Turn your refrigerator to the lowest setting: If you’re one of the tens of thousands of fans who are staying home and watching the game and helping the Rays set franchise records for television ratings, you need to ensure your beer remains cold if the power goes out from all of the blowhards on television and radio today.
  6. Unplug small appliances: After all, since nobody is going to the games, nobody must care about the Rays, right? I mean, what are record television ratings and radio ratings mean these days anyhow?
  7. Review evacuation plan: The safest place to survive this storm is Tropicana Field itself. After all, it was designed to handle these types of storms so actually going there is your best plan. If you can afford to make it, plan a route over the Howard-Frankland or Gandy to get across the bay in the quickest amount of time.

Follow these steps and you too could survive the worst storm to hit the bay area in years. Vigilance!

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About Jason Collette

Writer/Analyst
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6 Responses to Be Prepared

  1. Danny Mac says:

    Laugh all you want….

    But when your team moves to Las Vegas or Portland in three years it won’t be funny.

    • Portland just lost their AAA team, again. That’s never going to happen. Vegas is a possibility and if there isn’t a new stadium in place by the end of the decade the team should move. Every season they play in the Trop is another season of lost revenue from corporate sponsors.

  2. AbPow says:

    I can’t say this for sure, but it looks like this whole mini-tempest was ginned up by the St. Pete Times. Last night was no different than most (did they really expect 25K-30K to spontaneously show up on a Monday night?), and they had Marc Topkin get quotes from Longoria and Price on the topic.

    The best evidence that this was all pre-planned before tonight’s game is that the Times’ John Romano has a lengthy column on Longoria & Price’s comments, above the fold on the front sports page, above the game story, and which spills onto Page 3. Anyone who knows how newspapers and their deadlines work would know the column is way too long to have been conceived, written and edited after a game that finished past 10PM. Not only that, they had a separate story from Topkin on Page 3 about the comments as well. That’s way too much blanket coverage for a story that would have emerged late in the evening.

    It should also be interesting to see what kind of crowd shows up in Cincinnati tonight – they’re in the same boat the Rays were last night.

  3. Gatorbuc15 says:

    LOL! Nice post Jason!
    But I could give less of a $hit what Cowherd, Mike and Mike, Steven A. Smith, and Steve Duemig say. But I do respect Peter. 🙂

    And if they do move I might just follow them. I don’t live in Florida anymore and I will still wanna root for a baseball team. And I’m not gonna become an O’s or Nats fan (over my dead body).
    I still hope that it doesn’t happen though. I would much rather see them stay in St. Pete.

  4. I love Gammons except when he’s in his Rays-bashing mode. He forgets that nobody gave a rat’s ass about the Red Sox for many years. Ted Williams’ last game had about 13,000 fans at it. Roger Clemens struck out 20 batters on a night that had about 11,500 fans in the stands. That, from a team that has a 3 to 4 generation fanbase.

  5. Gatorbuc15 says:

    Good points Jason.
    And yeah, I do know of Gammons Rays-bashing mode. But I think that most analyst do that $hit with just about every team. lol

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